"I only irritate you because I love you!"

"I only irritate you because I love you!" said my 16 year old son, Colin, after yet another round of verbal sparring. I had to laugh at that one, because it involved insight and emotion, two things we don't see with much regularity from him. Having a teenage boy on the high end of the autism spectrum can be completely draining, but also humorous. He can cut to the quick of a situation, whether I want him to or not!

When we were leaving the hospital after Addie was born last week, I asked him for three words to describe her. He quickly came out with, "Small. Like Jake and Ashley..." I started to tease him a bit, and said, "How about gorgeous? Pretty?" He looked at me like I was nuts, and said,"She's not pretty!" We then chatted about how all babies are beautiful, just a little worn from the journey they just endured. The next day he was much more enamored with her, and just this morning wanted to see Addie pictures. Changing perspective from one day to another is something I need to learn, and who better to teach it to me than the teenager who lives here now, and the ones who lived here before.

When our daughter Kacie was a teenager, we butted heads more than once, often over the subject of clothes. We finally came up with a shopping code that worked fairly well. If I showed her something, thinking she would like it, and it was awful from her point of view, she'd say, "Hmmmm..." This was code for, "That really sucks, but I won't say that outloud." Of course, I could use the same words to state my opinion, and did on a number of occasions! On the other side, if I was looking at clothes or shoes for me that she thought hideous, she could give me the "Hmmm..." answer as well. I am thinking the whole don't ask, don't tell phenomenon didn't come from the military, but from parent/teenage communication! Better that than arguing in a store, I suppose...

Jake used to love to argue with me. He would always come straight to me, and one time I finally asked, "Why do you love to argue with me so much? Go argue with your dad for awhile!" Straight out of his mouth came his comeback, "But Dad always comes to talk to you, so I just come here first!" Darn it all anyway, I hate it when they use logic!

Irritation is something that happens in families. I believe if you don't care enough to get irritated, then there's probably something that's worth looking into. If a stranger ticks you off in a store or restaurant, you don't go home and worry on it for days. If it's your family, good or bad, you just might mull it over for some time to come. I believe if the relationship is worth it, then taking time to work things through is worth the trouble.

So, yes Colin, I irritate you because I love you, too!