July 9, 2011
Marriage For The Long Haul
We were married young. Very young, in today’s marriage vernacular. Tomorrow is our anniversary, 33 years, and still going strong. As I reflect back on all those years, our wedding is a lifetime ago, part of distant memory. The ceremony isn’t huge in my mind, but the commitments we made to each other on that long ago day are.
Back in those days, with me not yet 19, and my groom to be just 20, we thought we knew it all. We were so “mature,” so ready, that nothing anyone said could talk us out of it. Through all that, and in a wedding very simple by today’s standards, we became husband and wife. Spouses. Partners. It’s the partnership that has lasted through the years, our strongest bond and commitment.
As we witness marriages around us diminishing, or dying, I have to look and consider those vows, and ask myself why ours is as it is. This isn’t to say we don’t have rough spots, it would be dishonest to not admit to that. What we do have is a commitment to each other to work through those tough times, those tough issues, and make it for better or worse. There have been times which certainly are worse than others, but there have been better times as well. It is always the better times we strive for and remember when the going gets rough.
Divorce is not in our marriage vocabulary. In our world it is an option for many, and I wouldn’t even think of judging those who have taken that road, but it is not a choice for us. Knowing this, we work even harder to get through those tough times. The divorce rate for parents with a child with autism is said to be 90-95%, due to the stress involved. We have absolutely felt that stress, for it is very real and it is very difficult, but we have held out for that last 5%. The odds were against us for marrying young, as are the odds for parenting now, but we continue to strive to be in that small percentage and come out the other end together, and for the stronger.
Love, honor, and cherish are words to practice, to live by, and to aim for. We both have a strong faith, and that faith lets us see that love, honor, and cherish are not only words, but practice. Of course, we don’t always do as well as we’d like, but it is equally important to have the desire to practice and live by these words. It’s the desire that leads to practice, that leads to days and weeks and years going by, and coming to another anniversary. And coming to another one, reminds me of joy. It is with joy and thankfulness that we celebrate another year together, and that I am grateful to have such a wonderful and willing partner in this journey called marriage.
